be the change you want to see in the world

So my first assignment is to do a self portrait, without myself. Sounds ridiculous at first, but I’m totally stoked about it. I’ve been bouncing ideas around in my head, and have several props which I would like to incorporate.

1.) My Kindle. I dearly love this device.

2.) A fish bowl with a goldfish. But a perfectly round bowl. And I was even getting morbid, and thinking of a fishbowl in a graveyard. But that sounds a liiiiiiitle freaky. This class is supposed to be somewhat creative though, and I think it would be quite the challenge to take a picture of something in water.

New years resolutions? I have none. Not because I don’t have things I’d like to improve about myself, but because I hate that I’d only want to start something new at the new year. However, I am helping my friend, Summer, accomplish her new year goals by punishing my body at a ridiculously early hour on Christmas Break, 8:30 a.m. Perhaps it would not be so incredibly difficult to drag my ass out of bed had I not drank so much wine last night-whatever.

So we’re going to workout, looking like the millions of other desperate women out there who are unsatisfied with their bodies. Don’t get me wrong, I’m my own biggest critic when it comes to flaws in my anatomy, but I still feel like a cheesy vagine. Yep, that is one of my favorite words, VAGINE, used to describe my feelings of extreme feminity or weakness. At least we go early, before the other waves of low self esteem roll in, gosh I sound more cynical and judgemental by the day. Shoot me.

I want to start trying new things. I want to step out of my comfort zone a bit. I want to kick the LSAT’s butt and take names. This could be a big cluster of 365 days for me (or is it a leap year?). But for now I’m content with forcing myself from drunken slumbers, to Carpe Diem. My best friend Laura, who goes to a yankee school is spending the semester in Spain. SPAIN, a semester submerged in another language and culture. What do I have to show for myself? Oh I went to surf camp when I was 16 and went to Europe with my highschool when I was 18….FAIL

Why, why, why won’t the world revolve around me?

I am so frustrated. Why can’t the world be organized? Why can’t people be organized? Why did I choose a major, in which the department is ridiculously unorganized? When did I become so OCD about organization? Freshman year was comprised of me drinking a beer while studying. I would have loved my professors my freshman year. But now that I actually have graduation in sight, I actually WANT to learn. I want to gain experience in my field. Not dick around and just pass. I think my group projects are getting to me hardcore.

I type all of this why why why can’t everything be organized, but I know the answer. There is beauty in the chaos that is life. Why can’t I see it anymore? Why can’t I enjoy the peices all coming together? Am I a control freak? Perhaps. But I if I’m a control freak then I control my freakouts. Which is happening now. So. Stop.

I’ve found out some disturbing information the past week about my friends. Things that I would never have thought of. And I think that makes me a little bit crazy.

Crazy is as crazy does.

 ”After all tomorrow is another day” <——————random?

“I would rather be ashes than dust! I would rather that my spark should burn out in a brilliant blaze than it should be stifled by dry-rot. I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet. The function of man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste my days trying to prolong them. I shall use my time.”-Jack London

I think in decimals and dollars.
I am the cause to all your problems,
Shelter from cold. we are never alone.
Coordinate brain and mouth.
Then ask me whats it like to have
Myself so figured out.
I wish I knew..

-Okay I Believe You but my Tommy Gun Don’t

Today’s been long. Anna’s moved in officially. It makes things so tense. She is lacking in basic human etiquette. I hate judging her for that. She’s a free spirit. I was thinking about her situation today, and remembered a guy I saw earlier this semester. He was sitting on the corner by Wal-Mart with a sign that said “will work for food”. I bought him some food and took it to him. He said “I want to work for it”. What do you say to that? “Sorry, I’m just a middle class college kid getting paid to go to school, I don’t have any work for you”. Sorry, you’ve fallen on hard times, the government just cut me a sweet check. Billy tells me I overanalyze everything.

 I don’t see homeless people much, so seeing him brought me to tears. I’d never survive in a big city. I want to know his story-know how he got to that point. It’s the saddest thing I’ve ever seen. Several people stopped and gave him cash or food. It made me smile through the tears to see people care. The conservative in me wouldn’t give him cash though. How awful is that?

Ah the stigma of being involved in Greek life on campus. I understand why people hate it, or think it is foolish and a waste of money. People say it is “paying for your friends”. Well guess what.

I am shy. I’ve never been particularly good at making friends, so yes, I joined a social organization to help me branch out. Judge me. I will say this however, if I did indeed pay for my friends, I didn’t pay nearly enough. 

Also, I feel as though our philanthropic efforts are not highlighted near enough. Greeks raise more money on campus for causes than any other group (student-based org). I’m not bragging, but that’s a damn fact. Why would you hate an institution that raises money for good causes?

Then, you have the stereotypical sorority girls and fraternity guys who ruin it for the whole system. The totalfratmoves of the greek system. I’m not going to lie, I do read that site for laughs, but the scariest part is that people actually live their lives looking down on others.

As for the corporate world, I’m not sure how being in a sorority is going to assist me in the job market. However, I do know that being in a sorority and particularly holding an office in one requires organiztional and teamwork skills-a common need in almost any job market. Every interview I have ever had has asked me, “are you good at working with other people?”. After being involved in an organization with 100 ladies my age-hell yes I am good at working with other people. It’s no easy feat to get that many vaginas to work as a team.

I’m in the communications lab. Trying to finish a horrid document on a template in Microsoft Word. Listening to the Eagles. Wearing my brand new MR. Rogers Sweater. 

Life is Good.

South Carolina beat Alabama….McElroy lost his first game since 8th grade…..

the Yankees are not…I repeat…. ARE NOT going to the World Series……..

“Got to admit it’s getting better, it’s getting better, all the time”

I feel as though I can more freely express my opinions on here, rather than facebook. The topic for the day is Weddings. I despise seeing people my age getting married. I don’t understand how people have so little ambition in life, that they want to get married, settle down, and have babies. I want to do so many things, marriage is at the very bottom of my list. Sure I understand being married is no walk in the park, it takes dedication, the right person, and blah blah blah, but honestly, you are TWENTY YEARS OLD and you’re getting married?!? I feel like marriage is like an invisible handcuff, keeping you from accomplishing anything awesome. And the people I see getting married want to be school teachers, which, is a notable profession for some, but I just simply cannot fathom how you can be content with being a school teacher for the rest of your life. What about seeing the world? What about adventure and excitement?!?

Okay, I’m done. Before you psychoanalyze me, I’ll add that I do come from an adopted home, without a successfull marriage, and have had 2 “step fathers”. So, yeah, I may be a little hostile toward the ideals of married life.

Just when you think you have everything figured out.

BAM! Something new hits you.

Please pardon my lack of grammar and sentence structure. I have planned to study for the LSAT all this year, take it and apply to several law schools. Then this huge opportunity presents itself, a chance to further my love of photography and the potential to get an amazing internship. So, what does one do? Continue to pursue photography, and visual communications? Or actually, gee, I don’t know, actually finish out my PUBLIC RELATIONS major. Or go to law school. I want to do everything. But this is my junior year, and it’s time to settle on SOMETHING. Oh and I’m a German minor. Have fun seeing how that ties in. 

Kelsey Laxton, ” You’re going to go to Germany with your law degree, open a Victoria’s Secret, annnnnnnnnnnd take pictures of the models”. —-I would love that actually.

Ahhhh these decisions are so hard! =/

Can you imagine, a law school board reviewing my application. Ah yes, she has an undergrad in PR, random photography classes, water polo champ, lifeguard, scuba diver, and is fluent in German. Who is going to take me seriously?